Have you ever been on a rollercoaster and held the safety bar in a death grip as you plummeted down the first big drop? On the second (or third) time around, did you let go on that drop and hold your hands in the air in a freefall? Remember how that felt? How exhilarating it was to release and allow yourself to enjoy the thrill of the ride?
I think of rollercoaster rides as being like life. Life can be scary, but when you let go of fear, the freedom can be energizing and joyful. It can also be discomforting in a very strange way – until you get used to the freedom.
We humans hold onto things. Fear. Anger. Sorrow. Expectations. Bad relationships. Bad jobs. You name it. These kinds of “attachments” don’t serve us, and yet, it’s so difficult to give them up. Why is that? Because we’re used to it? Because the known is more comfortable than the unknown, regardless of how it hurts us?
It’s funny how the fear of life can drive us to do silly or stupid things, things that aren’t important at all in the grand scheme of our existence here on earth. I remember one morning a few years back that changed the course of my life. I was in a stressful corporate job – a time when the clock was my master and fear was its whip.
As usual, I was stressed out, in fear of the freeway traffic and being late to work. Being late was not acceptable. And wouldn’t you know it – there was a garbage truck blocking the exit from my apartment complex. There was no way around it. I beeped the horn in hopes the truck would back up for me. Nope. It stayed where it was. The driver was busy doing his job. I beeped again… and again. I could feel my blood pressure rise with my anger. What the hell was wrong with this guy? Didn’t he know I needed to get to work?
Finally, I got out of my car and screamed at the driver. He stared at me, dumbfounded. There was a moment when I thought he probably thought I was crazy, but that didn’t stop me. I was a human hornet as I drew back my fist and punched the door of his truck. Boom! That did the trick. The guy backed up just enough for me to sneak by him and get on to my job – that job that had no meaning for me and no relevance to anything, except to pay the bills – that job that was no more and no less important than the garbage man’s job.
All day long fear rose from the pit of my stomach. I thought I’d come home to a sheriff waiting to arrest me, and I was embarrassed at my behavior. When I arrived home, however, there was no sheriff. Thank god for that. It’s at that moment I realized I needed to change my life before I had a heart attack.
Shortly afterwards, I began a daily meditation practice. If anyone had told me how powerful meditation is, I would not have believed them. I needed to experience it myself. I discovered how healing it was for me to create space and let go of my anger.
Meditation changed my life overnight. It has helped me to allow, to release, to let go. It’s a process, but I’ve made great progress. Sometimes meditation is miraculous. Sometimes it’s frustrating. Sometimes it’s enlightening. Always, it’s an opportunity for continued growth, understanding, and expansion. I’ve learned how to let go of much of the pain, to view things without judgment (most of the time – I’m still growing), and to allow whatever I cannot change, knowing that nothing ever stays the same.
Pain comes with attachments – when we try to hold onto things. When we can let go of that safety bar and throw our hands in the air, we can experience moments of pure freedom and joy. We can live in the moment without agonizing over the past or the future. Isn’t that how life should be? Right now, not yesterday or tomorrow.
I think about that garbage man sometimes and wonder what he told his family that night. Did he tell them about the crazy woman who punched his truck? Did he tell his buddies about me over beers? Was it worth it for me to go through that humiliating episode? Hell yes.
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Diana Osberg is a certified sound therapy facilitator, soundbath practitioner, and Yin and Restorative yoga teacher, and is trained in conscious breathing techniques. Under the name Inner Story Retreats, she facilitates events, workshops, and retreats to help people recognize and release self-limiting stories, connect to their inner wisdom, and develop tools to deal with whatever life throws at them.
